Today's feelings/grievances

My boobs itch really bad.
My belly hurt most of the night. Not sure if it was contracting hurt, or just pain from cuddling up close with Casey. I eventually had to move/turn over so my belly was free just in case it was squished.
I'm tired. All I want to do is rest, but with 2 girls, and 2 day care kids, that isn't possible.
I miss Cody more than words can say. I would do anything to give him back to Casey.
My belly itches.
Casey has dealt with the loss really well on the surface, I just wish I knew what was going on inside. He won't talk about it.
I know Cody is in a better place, but it's hard to imagine that it's the best place because he should be with his best friend. His daddy.
I know it isn't healthy, but I keep thinking about what I should have done differently to prevent Cody's death. I should have called him up onto the porch, gone down and stood with him in the grass.... something different than letting him move out of the way on his own. I'm so sorry Cody!!!